Give me envy, give me malice...

You can't stand it...

2006-03-22T22:52:36Z

"invisible Monsters"

1.)
2.)
3.)
4.)
5.)
6.)
7.)
8.)
9.)
10.)

I'v read the book. Read the comic. Made some icons.

Read the fucking book FIRST. But if you really don't give a shit read the comic, it's pretty much a 20 minute long synopsis. It's worth it.

On a side note,

You can't have me. No. Get over it. xD.

This is screaming, this is screaming...

2006-03-19T20:31:31Z

I went to The Castle last night/this morning. Finally.

I danced, danced and I danced. It was...very disorientating. xD.

Calm...

2006-03-16T14:43:45Z

It's a nice day...only 9:30...

I got to watch "Everything is Illuminated" No one but me has ever heard of it. Haha. But yes, I finally got to see it after a year of waiting. It was wonderful. It was as good as I had hoped.

I finally got to see "Rent" all the way through...I love it a lot...It makes me think so much about things and...well...It makes me miss certain people. I'm going to watch it again later.

I finally got my new phone..which I told you. I'm just so happy to have a phone that isn't out of date by 6 or so years.

That's all I guess..

panicformalice @ 2006-03-14T02:56:00

2006-03-14T07:55:57Z

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.

From that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed.

I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.

From that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed.

I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.

Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes,

woah-oh

Everything goes according.to.plan.

I am the new cancer,

never looked better, you can't stand it.

because you say so under your breath.

your reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"

haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer,

never looked better and you can't stand it.

Next is a trip to the..the ladies room in vain and

I bet you just can't keep up (keep up!) with these fashionistas and.

Tonight tonight, you are you are a whispering campaign.

I bet to them, your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shh--

Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.

And keep telling yourself that,"I'm a diva"

Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box

On the table, they just so happen to be laced with

nitroglycerin.

I'm the new cancer,

never looked better, you can't stand it.

because you say so under your breath.

your reading lips, "When did he get all confident?"

haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer,

never looked better and you can't stand it.

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

I've never looked better and you can't stand it.

haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

i've never looked better and you can't stand it.

And I know and I know, It just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.

I've never been so surreptitious, so of course I'll be distracted when I spike the punch.

Battery Acid...

2006-03-13T19:37:07Z

Most of my entries lately have been private. I never have much "good" to say so I try and keep it to myself.

Yesterday was a good day though, I felt happy when I woke. I didn't know why...I just felt the day would go well. Steve ended up finally leaving...my mother is packing his things today and taking them off to him tomorrow. I'll be receiving his phone...his...Razor...phone. That my mother payed for of course because he's a broke 48 y/o bastard with no life or family let alone friends.

Anyway, yeah. I'll be getting a new phone so for anyone this concerns, don't call me. Until of course I give you my new number. If you by accident you call Steve he will try and keep you on the phone bitching about how life screwed him over and it's everyone elses fault...w/e.

I'm going to DDR.

ByeBye~

panicformalice @ 2006-03-09T21:44:00

2006-03-10T02:44:51Z

I FUCKING LOVE NATALIE PORTMAN!!

XD.

That is all.

Thanks Kelly. XD.

Natalie Portman Gangsta Rap

Happiness...

2006-03-09T10:29:08Z

The night started our pretty horribly...but it turned wonderful.

I honestly hate updateing with something negative...notice how I never update? Well I'm updateing because I have something positive to say...I'm happy right now and no bitch/fucker/asshole is going to bring me down...so I'm sorry to ruin your small attempts but unfortunately for you...they are useless. =D

If you've read any of my previous entries in my older journal, not that I ever expected you to, but you would already know what problems I put up with at home. I don't talk about it much, rarely write about it, but if you cared enough to listen then you should already know.

Steve started drinking, yelling, screaming...not that thats new or anything. He just screamed louder and harsher than ever...made my mother cry..again. They're not together I heard her saying in an argument. She takes care of him as a friend, not as a boyfriend or a lover anymore. She puts up with his shit because thats what shes been doing her entire life...taking care of people. Taking care of her childen, her friends, her husbands and lastly her own life. As her child I say lovingly she has done a wonderful job.

She asked me to take her away. She told me she wanted out of there now.

You want me to apologize for not waiting?

I called, left messages, texts...no answer. Not his fault, he was working. I knew he was working...I thought just maybe he had gotten off early. Even so, even if I did or didn't know, it matters not because I couldn't wait any longer.

I called Kelly in desperation...She actually answered. It took me no more than a simple asking and in less than a minute she was on her way. I'll never ever be able to get over the feeling of hapiness that came over me when she so simply told me "I'm on my way."

Screaming until the last minute..no...he even came outside to scream at us as we were walking to the gate...

Kelly and I dropped my mother off at Amscot and she told us she could walk the rest of the way to where she was going, which I'm not sure where. Kelly had The Postal Service playng. I swear, The Postal Service has always played at the hardest times in my life...I love it so much...I'll never get over it.

We then decided at the same exact time that Taco Bell sounded nice...Then once again at the same time Sacred Grounds sounded like a wonderful idea, plus a friend I had't actually meeten, Nate -been talking to him on-line for months, would be there. He was. And he's great.

After watching episodes of "I Will Press.com" I came up with the idea of going ot the Hookah Lounge, Meridian, not far from SG. It was the most fun I'v had at Meridian yet. Pictures were taken and talking to Kelly and Nate about everthing. It was...happiness..I only get to feel ..once in a blue moon I guess.

We went to Denny's (Hookah gives you the munchies I'm so not joking. XD) Prostitutes talking about Penis and Cops everywhere..It was kind of funny how Prostitutes and Cops never get along on the street but in Dennys its like nothing matters. Dennys is a glorious place. XD

Now were back at USF, in the lounge..and I'm typing this entry...then its cuddling..EXCUSE ME...Slumber party time. YES! =D

...The night was....happiness.

Picture time. ^_^

panicformalice @ 2006-02-28T16:10:00

2006-02-28T21:09:36Z

My mom just got me a snow cone from the ice cream man...!
I feel so childish, I love it. ^^

I'v been contacting some of the people I met at con, theres many. Plans to go to Jacon are steady. I'm pretty happy right now...I would hope that the people around me would be happy for me too.

Well...I'm off.

~

This should have a title but it doesn't...

2006-02-27T19:05:16Z

Before I update let me grab my camera...

...

55 pictures were taken in all. A lot of pictures I shouldn't of taken. Hundreds more pictures taken by people I now need to get in contact with. HAHAA!

This week-end started of crazy and really didn't mellow out, not that anyone wanted it to. On the way to Orlando I had asked Kelly if she listened to Panic! She said she hadn't heard much of them but what she had heard she liked. I had just recently burned off three copies of the CD I had made for different people who I had introduced Panic! to and who all wanted copies. The YeahYeahYeahs CD was also burned onto it. We had long conversations while listening to Panic! Kelly makes me feel good about myself and doesn't treat me like shit, like most people. After Panic! the YeahYeahYeahs came on and, like most people, Kelly had only heard the song "maps". They have a wide range of different sounds and types of music which she liked and I was happy to hear this.

~~

Pictures on the way to Orlando.

~~

By the time we had gotten to Orlando, found the hotel, and settled all our stuff in...the parties had kinda just started. There weren't many parties Friday night because it seemed they had started around 2 in the morning. OH and something extremely ironic is that I thought Kelly was staying at a Hotel near the Con while I was staying at a Hotel about .8 miles away with a girl I had met named "Janx". Really nice girl who makes costumes as a hobby and gets well payed in the process. Haha. I found out Kelly was staying at the Best Western. Where I was staying. "Awesome!" We both shouted. As we got closer to the Hotel we were told her room number which was "1226"

Kelly-"1226? Hey Anji, isn't you room number..."

Me-"1326?!?"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

Ok, yeah I thought that was pretty convenient seeing how her room was RIGHT under mine. XD.

We hung out in Kelly's room for about a half hour...people were smoking...we had plans to go karaoke...but no...people who smoke get lazy, boring and just want to sit around. So me and Kelly went for walk. There so many things to see in Orlando and we were only walking up and down one street the entire time. We talked about a lot...a lot of things. She made me feel so much better about how things in my life were heading and my confidence along with how to deal with people. I've had my own ways of dealing with people and just ended up feeling like I was used. So the heart to heart was had and it helped tremendously. Thank you. ♥

~~

Pictures on our walk.

The biggest McDonalds that you only go to once in your life when you go to Orlando that's not really a McDonalds but another world...

It's a coffee shop named Bad-Ass! Why not take a picture?

The upside down building. I took like 8 pictures of it..

A picture with a sense of art and feeling.

The most prettified Muvico ever.

~~

After we walked we came back to the Best Western and ran into some people. There were people, a hot tub and no bathing suites. Not as if it mattered much. The hot tub was amazing, especially after that long ass walk we had. I can't really remember all that happened though, not necessarily because or drinking but lack of sleep. 6 hours of sleep over a span of three days. Kelly had even less.

Oh yeah. Earlier that night I had said "I wonder if we'll run into Myra?" A few minutes later she crashes out of the room we were standing in front of...

Needless to say we didn't get to sleep. We stayed the night by the pool talking to different people. We were trying to figure out what exactly to do. We stayed there until 7 a.m. She had no key to her apt and I didn't want to wake anyone in my room up because when I had gotten there earlier (around 12 a.m.) they were already sleeping...and I didn't want to take the chance of waking them up again. Luckily Kelly remembered Janx saying she'd be getting up at 6:30 to work on costumes so we headed there. I showered then me and Kelly drove our way to Wal-Mart for the first time. I bought socks, underwear and a professional straightener. Socks and underwear are the only two things a guy really needs, unless your gay...then the straightener comes in handy xD.
We headed back so Kelly could get the key, shower and also pick up her wallet. Back to Wal-Mart where she bought a new outfit.

It was now only 8:30 or 9:00 in the morning. This is where the amnesia starts hitting me. I can't remember what we did to let ourselves stay up so long. I think we did head to the con for a few hours...I'm not going to go as far and say the con wasn't worth it, but unless your actually dressed in costume there isn't much to do unless you've brought a thousand dollars for the dealers room which was INCREDIBLY huge.

The time line of all this escapes my mind but soon thereafter we were trying to make a decision. Pizza-Hut or Olive Garden...

Me-"Well I've never been to Olive Garden..."
Kelly-"Also it would be a lot easier to make separate checks..."

We hadn't seen anyone all that morning but when we got to Olive Garden...Everyone we knew was sitting on the ground and on the couches. Later we decided much of the activity that went on later was because of this small coincidental decision of "Pizza-Hut or Olive Garden" If we hadn't chose Olive Garden things that night would of been much different...

~~

Pictures of Olive Garden.

This is Lt. Dan. He was a very cool guy. The girl in the back is Mercury..she was very sweet.

There was like 15 people at the table but I didn't get around to taking pictures of people I didn't know. xD.

~~

The rest of the day just led up to the parties at night. Kegs, beer, Liquor...literally hundreds of dollars in alcohol. I think I went to a Rave...for a little while. I had been the company of a sweet girl I met named Neko. We didn't stay to long because her crush was making out with some random girl. =(

~~

Pictures of Rave.

They had girls dancing in boxes..isn't that sad? =(
~~

Around 12 ish I believe I see Myra by the pool and she runs up to hug me. Simply put, I spent the rest of the night walking with Myra and her friend Ryan. Just walking different places. We ended up back at her car a few hours later where we listened to more Panic! and I randomly passed out in the back of her car. I woke up at 7 a.m. seeing Myra changing into a Panic! At the Disco shirt. We walked to a place called Friendlys which was directly behind us the entire time. We ate, went back to her car and listened to Postal Service while she drew Justin on a sheet of paper over and over and over again in many different styles. "I love your name..." I thought it was sweet.

~~

Pictures with Myra.

This is Myra's cute as fuck "friend".

~~

At ten I went up stairs to get my stuff from my room. I spent about a total of 2 hours in that room. I payed for it and as long as I had a place to stay I didn't really care. Later I got Kelly and the two of us along with 2 others headed to Con.

Usually at Cons Sunday is the most uneventful day. It closes early and there's not much to do because people have left. Sunday was the most eventful at Mega. There was the AMV showing I dropped by and the

D'espairs Ray Concert!

It was PRETTY! And the music was of course killer. But the crowd which was mostly fitted with 15 year old fan girls was kind if irritating. I snuck in like two picture before they tried to take my Camera away. xD.

~~

Pictures of D'espairs Ray.

~~
Random Pictures

it's Chade!

This is me kinda..you know...=/

When me and Kelly just got out of the Hot Tub it felt like it made us even more out of it.

This is Kelly's friend. xD.

Together, Forever in Love...

2006-02-24T02:43:43Z

I'm more than excited...I'm...sparking. I just wish he could of gone.... ~_~

Megacon. This is it. This is me being me...not the shy guy. Not the guy who "reads a lot of books" Ha.

Kelly...You shouldn't have any trouble finding my place right? I'm ready when you are. =D